The foundation of every state is the education of its youth.

So says Diogenes Laërtius and a monument on the side of a school in east side Buffalo, New York. I snapped this photograph while I was a Mormon missionary living on Berkshire Avenue.

I took that photograph because of the sad irony of its context; the monument was attached to a boarded-up school.

The irony was perfect, or so I thought until I saw the vacant lot where that school used to be across Bailey Avenue from the Boys & Girls Club. Sadly, I have only a little hope that it was replaced with another school.

Sarcasm is a remark intended to hurt someone, an insult.

Irony is a remark that says one thing on the surface, but given the context, conveys another contrasting idea.

That’s it, simple as that. Forget any definition of sarcasm that contradicts what I just said because it’s wrong. I’ll give you a moment to purge your memory of all heretical definitions—

As you and your friend walk out of the theater, if your friend slips on some ice and exclaims “I love New York in the winter!”, your friend is being ironic: saying one thing and meaning another.

If your friend sees a hated ex-lover getting out of a taxi with a new love and yells “Jane, you ignorant slut!”, then your friend is being sarcastic: intending to hurt someone.

If you had just seen the premier of Fool’s Gold, and Kate Hudson is within earshot when your friend says “Well, that was an evening well spent!”, your friend is being both ironic and sarcastic: saying one thing while meaning another and also trying to insult poor Ms. Hudson.

I’m glad we could get that straightened out.