Green Oasis

I CAN HAZ RECOMMEND?

2009-06-08T18:50:18Z

As Gunner has reminded me, it’s been over two years since my last temple recommend interview. It’s time to renew…

DO YU HAVE FAITH IN AND TESTIMONY OV GOD TEH ETERNAL FATHR, HIZ SON JESUZ CHRIST, AND TEH HOLY GHOST?

No.

DO YOUZ HAVE TESTIMONY OF TEH ATONEMENT OF CHRIST AND OV HIZ ROLE AZ SAVIOR AND REDEEMR? KTHX.

No, I’m no longer convinced that I need saving from anything.

DO U HAVE TESTIMONY OF TEH RESTORASHUN OV TEH GOSPEL IN THEEZ, TEH LATTR DAYZ?

No. The Orthodox churches look a lot more like the New Testament than the LDS church. The LDS church looks more like a mixture of the various influences in Joseph Smith’s life, fermented in Rocky Mountain isolation, and filtered through modern American culture. Not so much like a restoration of early Christianity.

DO U SUSTAIN TEH PRESIDENT OF TEH CHURCH OF JESUZ CHRIST OF LATTR-DAY SAINTZ AZ TEH PROFET, SER, AND REVELATR AND AZ TEH ONLY PERSON ON TEH EARTH HOO POSSESSEZ AND AR AUTHORIZED 2 EXERCISE ALL PRIESTHOOD KEYZ? DO YOO SUSTAIN MEMBERZ OF TEH FIRST PRESIDENCY AND TEH QUORUM OV TEH TWELVE APOSTLEZ AZ PROFETZ, SEERZ, AND REVELATORZ? DO YOO SUSTAIN TEH UDDR GENERAL AUTHORITIEZ AND LOCAL AUTHORITIEZ OF TEH CHURCH?

No.

DO U LIVE TEH LAW OV CHASTITY?

Hmm, if I go by the temple ceremony that the “law of chastity … is that no one of you will have sexual intercourse except with your [spouse] to whom you are legally and lawfully wedded”, then yes.

AR THERE ANYTHIN IN YORE CONDUCT RELATINS TO MEMBERZ OV YOAR FAMILY THAT AR NOT IN HARMONY WITH TEH TEACHINGZ OF TEH CHURCH?

I feel happy to be free of church-service—induced absenteeism from family service and the requirement to indoctrinate my children instead of teaching them to think for themselves.

Let me be charitable and assume that this question was meant to ask whether I am a good husband, parent, son, etc. under the assumption that the church is good for families. Then, yes.

DO YOUZ SUPPORT, AFFILIATE WITH, OR AGREE WITH ANY GROUP OR INDIVIDUAL HOOSE TEACHINGZ OR PRACTICEZ AR CONTRARY TO OR OPPOSE THOSE ACCEPTED BY TEH CHURCH OV JESUZ CHRIST OF LATTR-DAY SAINTZ?

Hell! I am one of those individuals.

So yes.

DO U STRIVE 2 KEEP TEH COVENANTZ YOO HAVE MADE, TO ATTEND YORE SACRAMENT AND UDDR MEETINGZ, AND TO KEEP YORE LIFE IN HARMONY WITH TEH LAWZ AND COMMANDMENTZ OF TEH GOSPEL?

No. Instead, I’m striving to be a good person.

IS YU HONEST IN YOAR DEALINGZ WITH YORE FELLOWMEN? KTHX.

Yes.

R YOUZ FULL-TITEH PAYR? KTHX!

No. However, I am accepting applications from charities that I can verify are doing good things with my money. Can I see your books?

DO YUR KEEP TEH WORD OF WISDOM?

Yes, with one exception: I don’t drink mild alcoholic drinks as suggested in D&C 89:17. Instead, I abstain from all alcohol.

DO U HAVE FINANCIAL OR UDDR OBLGASHUNZ T 4MR SPOUSE OR CHILDREN? IF YEZ, IS U CURRENT IN MEETIN THOSE OBLIGASHUNZ?

No.

IF YOUZ HAVE PREVIOUSLY RECEIVED YUR TEMPLE ENDOWMENT: DO YU KEEP TEH COVENANTZ THAT U MADE IN TEH TEMPLE? DO U WEAR TEH GARMENT BUDD NITE AND DAY AZ INSTRUCTED IN TEH ENDOWMENT AND IN ACCORDANCE WITH TEH COVENANT U MADE IN TEH TEMPLE?

No and no.

HAVE THERE BEEN ANY SINZ OR MISDEEDZ IN YUR LIFE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN RESOLVED WITH PRIESTHOOD AUTHORITIEZ BUT HAVE NOT BEEN?

No.

DO YU CONSIDR URSELF WRDY 2 ENTR TEH LORDZ HOUSE AND PARTICIPATE N TEMPLE ORDINANCEZ? KTHXBYE!

Yes, though I probably won’t attend. I haven’t missed going these past two years. I take my naps at home these days.

Actually, I feel better now that I don’t feel like a schmuck for not attending. Toward the end, trying to get meaningful insights at the temple—something that would make me a better person—was rather like trying to wring water from a dry sponge. I tried really hard, but I received little reward. Mostly, I felt good for fulfilling my obligation to attend… and a little better rested.

(Special thanks to the LOLCAT Interactive Translator.)

[Now that I've answered the questions without reviewing my previous answers, let me take a look, return, and report.… It's funny to see how little has changed. I gave very similar answers in some cases. The biggest thing to have changed is my general lack of angst. My reaction is generally "meh" unless I start thinking about being barred from my daughters' weddings. Grrrr.]

I Now Denounce You Chuck & Larry

2008-11-07T00:32:03Z

Just to prove that the commercial mentioning the LDS church involvement in the fight for marriage segregation wasn’t just a fluke, here’s Jon Stewart’s take on the issue.

(via Dancing with Crazy)

Feeling’s Gone Away

2008-11-06T17:05:15Z

From the tone of some of my posts over the life of this blog, you may have gotten the impression that I had completely written off the LDS church. That wasn’t entirely true—at least not most of the time. I still held a measurable amount of positive thoughts toward the organization. It does some humanitarian work. Some people find happiness there. It’s not all bad.

The fight for marriage segregation has changed that. The LDS church’s role in that fight has exhausted what dim goodwill I had toward the organization. I simply don’t feel it anymore.

I hold no malice in my heart when I say that the world would be much better off without the LDS church. What little good it does can be easily replaced. Its humanitarian efforts are mercenary. Its financial dealings opaque. Its teachings bigoted. Its happiness borne of fantasy.

I continue to esteem the Mormon people, many of whom are good people. They are compassionate tools for the church. I wish they could be free of the albatross that is the LDS church.

Mormon and Gay

2008-09-19T21:21:31Z

I stumbled across this series of videos telling the compelling story of believing homosexual Mormons.

Part 1: Go Forward

Part 2: Marriage Hopes and Realities

Part 3: Embracing our Homosexual Children

Update: In a similar vein is Understanding LDS Homosexuality.

Raped By a Beauty Queen

2008-09-16T20:54:23Z

I thought that story the other missionaries told me was an urban legend, but it was true. A former cheerleader and beauty queen kidnapped a Mormon missionary, chained him to a bed, and raped him repeatedly back in 1977. You can’t blame me for thinking it was just a fantasy. I imagine many Mormon missionaries would love to have sex with a beauty queen and yet remain blameless. “I swear I had no choice!”

Disclaimer: I am in no way making light of the serious issue of women raping men which can be devastating, no matter how seriously hot it seems.

(via Dancing With Crazy)

Be Ye Therfore Perfect

2008-03-07T18:17:03Z

[This will make more sense in the context of the post where I left this as a comment. This mirrors the ideas in a post I made elsewhere.]

I have been thinking about the no-compromises, black-and-white approach. The word that keeps coming to mind is “brittle”. My life has been full of surprises, turns in the road that I didn’t foresee and couldn’t have planned for. In the cases where I was willing to change my thinking and expectations, some little continuity was preserved. When I couldn’t change my outlook, things fell apart.

For example (I don’t have an ulterior motive in choosing this example—it was just the first to come to mind), I took Gordon B. Hinckley’s statement to heart that the LDS church is either true or a great fraud. This black-and-white viewpoint made my connection to the church brittle. When I started to learn about things that seemed to me (rightly or wrongly) to point to the history of the church not being what I had been taught, I was trapped by the black-and-white viewpoint to choose between those two options: truth or fraud. Other people who were willing to see shades of grey have preserved their relationship with the LDS church despite learning the same things.

This danger of brittleness also holds in the realm of relationships, I believe. We’re probably all familiar with Matthew 5:48 where Jesus tells us to be perfect. The Greek word translated in the KJV as “perfect” is teleios which connotes a sense of completion, wholeness, and maturity. Most of the times that I heard that scripture in church it was used in isolation, but I think it’s important to look at the whole paragraph:

Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:43–48)

When Jesus tells me to be complete and whole like God, he is telling me to love everyone, even my enemies. God, he says, causes the sun to shine on everyone, even those that he judges to be wicked. It is one thing to be called on to die for our ideals; it is another to be asked to love completely and without condition. Jesus’ injunction to love like God loves didn’t have an exception for spouses who believe differently or children who stray from the path we would choose for them.

If there is a God worthy of worship, that God must be happy when we nurture our love for each other and don’t let it die in his name. If God doesn’t exist, then Earth will be more like heaven if we hold tight to love and avoid tossing it away too casually.

Missionary Self Abuse

2008-02-26T23:06:48Z

I happened upon this video of a Mormon mission president preaching to the missionaries in his charge about the problem of masturbation among the missionaries. The female missionaries were escorted from the room because masturbation isn’t a big problem for women and because it would be inappropriate to talk about S-E-X in mixed company. It shows just how seriously masturbation is taken, and how afraid of it grown men are.

The mission president goes so far as to blame the low baptism rate in his mission on masturbation among the missionaries. I wish I was more shocked by this video, but the views expressed therein are typical. Those two years of my life were such a pressure cooker. The expectations to work 12 hours a day, win converts, and do it while completely suppressing my youthful sexuality were suffocating and dangerous. I learned a lot on my mission, but I wouldn’t call them the best two years of my life.

Update: Thanks to Kullervo for pointing out the rest of the videos in this series. For those who aren’t familiar with the kind of fundamentalism that Mormon missions tend to breed, these videos are very instructive and sickening, Parts 1 and 6 especially.

Walking backwards to avoid seeing a picture! I would laugh if it didn’t make me sad to see how afraid he is of seeing some skin. Little does he realize that his fear is his real problem, not his desire to see nudity.

Street Contacting in Manhattan

2008-02-16T23:49:21Z

The third act of this week’s episode of This American Life features two Mormon missionaries street contacting in Manhattan.

To George with Love

2008-02-01T00:54:16Z

In 1964, Elder Delbert Stapley of the Quorum of the Twelve wrote a letter to Governor George Romney, father of Mitt Romney, to express concerns about the Governor’s position on the Civil Rights movement of that era. I just read the letter written on official Council of the Twelve letterhead and… Wow!

Just wow!

Elder Stapley felt Governor Romney was too “liberal” on the issue of civil rights for black Americans and not in harmony with the teachings of Joseph Smith. His letter contains brazen threats of divine retribution:

When I reflect upon the Prophet’s statements and remember what happened to three of our nation’s presidents who were very active in the Negro cause, I am sobered by their demise. They went contrary to the teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith—unwittingly, no doubt, but nevertheless, the prophecy of Joseph Smith, “… those who are determined to pursue a course, which shows opposition, and a feverish restlessness against the decrees of the Lord, will learn, when perhaps it is too late for their own good, that God can do His own work, without the aid of those who are not dictated by His counsel,” has and will continue to be fulfilled.

In this respect, let me give you a personal experience. A friend of mine in Arizona—not a Church member—a great champion of the colored race—came to me after my call into the Twelve, and acknowledged President McKay to be a Prophet of God. He wanted me to ask President McKay to inquire of the Lord to see if the Lord would not lift the curse from the colored race and give them the privileges of the Priesthood; therefore, it was the Lord’s responsibility—not man’s—to change His decision. This friend of mine met a very tragic end by drowning. He was a most enthusiastic advocate of the colored cause and went about promoting for them all the privileges, social opportunities, and participation enjoyed by the Whites.

He then tells Governor Romney that the “Negro” must be kept in their place:

It is not right to force any class or race of people upon those of a different social order or race classification. People are happier when placed in the environment and association of like interests, racial instincts, habits, and natural groupings.…

I fully agree the Negro is entitled to considerations, also stated above, but not full social benefits nor inter-marriage privileges with the Whites, nor should the Whites be forced to accept them into restricted White areas.

The following statement needs no further comment:

Now, don’t think I am against the Negro people, because I have several in my employ.

All of this would be less disturbing—and less damning for Mormonism—if Elder Stapley was just one religious bigot, one bad apple in a barrel, except he wasn’t alone. Elder Stapley was well justified by statements of the LDS church and Joseph Smith. He referenced the following passage drawing special attention to the last sentence:

Elder Hyde inquired the situation of the negro. I replied, they came into the world slaves, mentally and physically. Change their situation with the whites, and they would be like them. They have souls, and are subjects of salvation. Go into Cincinnati or any city, and find an educated negro, who rides in his carriage, and you will see a man who has risen by the powers of his own mind to his exalted state of respectability. The slaves in Washington are more refined than many in high places, and the black boys will take the shine off many of those they brush and wait on.

Elder Hyde remarked, “Put them on the level, and they will rise above me.” I replied, if I raised you to be my equal, and then attempted to oppress you, would you not be indignant and try to rise above me, as did Oliver Cowdery, Peter Whitmer, and many others, who said I was a fallen Prophet, and they were capable of leading the people, although I never attempted to oppress them, but had always been lifting them up? Had I anything to do with the negro, I would confine them by strict law to their own species, and put them on a national equalization. (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, “Status of the Negro”, pp. 269–70, emphasis added)

He also notes Joseph Smith’s views on slavery (worth reading in full) with emphasis on this paragraph:

Trace the history of the world from this notable event down to this day, and you will find the fulfillment of this singular prophecy. What could have been the design of the Almighty in this singular occurrence is not for me to say; but I can say, the curse is not yet taken off from the sons of Canaan, neither will be until it is affected by as great a power as caused it to come; and the people who interfere the least with the purposes of God in this matter, will come under the least condemnation before Him; and those who are determined to pursue a course, which shows an opposition, and a feverish restlessness against the decrees of the Lord, will learn, when perhaps it is too late for their own good, that God can do His own work, without the aid of those who are not dictated by His counsel. (History of the Church, Volume II, “The Prophet’s Views on Abolition”)

I hadn’t taken the time to look up some of Joseph Smith’s views on the subject until today. I have lost some respect for him. I thought Brigham Young was the true racist culprit, but God’s alleged first prophet of the Dispensation of the Fullness of Times was just as blind to his own racism as was the second prophet.

Elder Stapley encloses a copy of Mormonism and the Negro which says:

Briefly, the LDS policy on Negroes is this: Negroes and others with Negroid blood can become members of the Church, and through righteous works receive patriarchal blessings, enter the temple to perform baptisms for the dead, become heirs to the Celestial kingdom and otherwise partake of many blessings afforded worthy members of the Church, but they cannot be ordained to the Priesthood, nor are they eligible for marriage in an LDS temple; Negroes and Non-Negroes should not intermarry.

Thankfully I can say that I don’t recognize this racist church. This isn’t the Mormon church that I grew up in. It was quite rare when I was a child to meet a black Mormon (and continues to be, Gladys Knight notwithstanding), but I never heard anything so blatantly bigoted in church. I’m happy that the Mormon people have changed their stripes. They deserve kudos for that.

There is just one thing that still bothers me: there has never been an official repudiation and condemnation of the bigoted doctrines of the past. The LDS church, in effect, proclaims that those bigoted teachings regarding people of African descent were according to God’s will. They may protest that they don’t understand, but the doctrines were taught by God’s Prophet and are therefore beyond mortal reproach. They are forced to conclude that these teachings came from a God of love and justice.

Until there is an official condemnation of its racist past, bigotry will taint the heart of Mormonism.

(via Trapped by the Mormons)

Legacy

2008-01-25T20:34:04Z

[I have the distinct feeling that I've said this all before. If that's true, just chalk it up to early onset senility and take it as a reminder.]

Some may question why I criticize the heartfelt beliefs of others, even those who are closer to me than anyone else in the world. I do it because I am mindful of my legacy.

I often hear stories about people whose parents or grandparents were Mormon but who left activity in the church. These people learn about Mormonism, join the LDS church, and are left wondering why their parents or grandparents left such a wonderful institution. I hear other stories about children who grow up without religion but find it later in life.

In short, my reason for criticizing religion is that I don’t want that to happen to my descendants. If they choose to follow religion, I want them to know exactly why I chose not to do likewise. I want them to hear my reasons and thoughts on the subject. I don’t want them to stumble blindly into faith. If they believe in God, I want them to understand exactly what my thoughts were on the subject. If they come to a belief that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, then I want them to also know that he married dozens of women, some polyandrously while their husbands were away on missions that he had called them to, some as young as fourteen, for example. I want their faith to be tempered by all of the evidence available and by asking tough, critical questions. I don’t want them to come to their beliefs through indoctrination, and I don’t want my lack of faith to be an enigma.