To some people, this empty room symbolizes something profound, mysterious, and terrifying: the task of starting with nothing and working your way toward creating something whole and beautiful and satisfying. It’s no different for a writer rolling a fresh sheet of paper into his typewriter…, or a painter confronting a virginal canvas, a sculptor staring at a raw chunk of stone, a composer at the piano with his fingers hovering just above the keys. Some people find this moment—the moment before creativity begins—so painful that they simply cannot deal with it.… The blank space can be humbling. But I’ve faced it my whole professional life. It’s my job. It’s also my calling. Bottom line: filling this empty space constitutes my identity.
—The Creative Habit, pp. 5–6
I pondered this morning on perhaps the biggest change to my life since my awakening. Some may see only a shallow part of that story: that I stopped calling myself Mormon. Truly, I experienced deeper changes than that.
As my childhood belief system collapsed in ruin at my feet, it left a blank space where I could build what I wanted. I had to choose for myself what kind of life I would work to build. I gained a new understanding of the Law of Thelema: Do what thou wilt. When the will of God proved to be a mirage on the sands, I had nowhere else to turn for guidance but inward.
While the emptiness frightened me, I learned to treasure exciting possibilities that lurked there. Life had set me free to live true to my inner guide.
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
—Hamlet, Act I, Scene III
Successful weblogs cater to their intended audience. I need space to work out and record my thoughts without the burden of staying topical. This weblog has an intended audience of one: me. I will write as if no one else is listening, which is probably mostly true. While others are welcome and appreciated, what serves me may alienate you given enough time. And I need the space to not care about that.