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Retarded

Anyone who knows my family knows why a little ball of hatred grows in the bottom of my gut whenever I hear someone casually use the words “retard” or “retarded”. In my eyes, nothing will brand you a clueless jerk faster than tossing off a thoughtless insult to this harmless class of your fellow human beings. I try to chalk it up to ignorance, but it’s not easy. Them’s fightin’ words.

And yet I will not support governmental censoring of the use of those words, which some have proposed. If you want to be a douche (no offense to feminine hygiene products), that’s your right. The government has no business preventing you from telling the world what a small person you are.

Progress in Physical Fitness

I went in for a physical exam in 2007 and the nurse practitioner told me that I had borderline high cholesterol. Ever since, I’ve been trying to eat better and exercise. It’s been a long term project. I am ready to be satisfied by slow but steady progress. I’ve resisted the urge to have my vitals measured more often than yearly to avoid training myself to expect quick results.

I’ve been successful enough that I want to celebrate publicly.

My cholesterol (chart) has improved steadily. According to the Mayo Clinic, the following are my target cholesterol levels.

  mg/dL
Cholesterol < 200
Triglycerides < 150
HDL > 60
VLDL < 10
LDL < 100

I’ve met my targets for everything except HDL and VLDL.

My weight (chart) was never a primary goal, but has also steadily improved. I’ve lost 15% of the weight measured in 2007. At one point before 2007, I tipped the scales at 170 lbs. To put the numbers in context, I’m 5’6″. I’m happy with my weight, though I am currently strength training, so it may go up in the future if muscle mass increases.

Overall, I’m quite pleased and motivated to continue to improve.

You might be a member of a cult if…

I don’t want to ghettoize this post by making it about Mormonism. If I wanted to do that, I would have posted to my other blog. This issue pertains to so much more than one group.

I recently watched a video (not the best) that got me thinking about what it means to be a member of a cult and how we could recognize if we were a member of a cult. I decided to gather a list of characteristics common to cults. [1, 2, 3, 4]

That same day, I heard a radio program about a young woman’s story of joining and leaving a sorority. I got really excited and yelled “She was in a cult!” (Don’t listen to that program yet. Wait until after you’ve read the list.)

So cults aren’t just religious organizations. They could be sororities, political parties, clubs, and so on. And cults exist on a spectrum; some groups are more cultish than others.

The list that follows comes from the most extreme cults,1 but assessing a group against this extreme can help us see where it falls on the spectrum.

I realize that some of these descriptions are general enough to encompass a large number of relatively healthy groups, because we can find some level of cultishness in virtually all groups. A positive answer to any one question is not a smoking gun. The list doesn’t answer a binary yes-no question. It paints a picture. The question is no longer “Is this group a cult?” but has become “How cultish is this group?”

Leadership

All of the following refer to a single leader, but applies equally to situations with more members in leadership positions.

  1. Is the leader charismatic? Cults are often created and maintained by the force of the founder’s personality.
  2. Is the leader always right?
  3. Does the leader not tolerate or receive criticism, while criticizing everyone else? Does the leader discourage negative feedback about the group?
  4. Is the leader treated like royalty or considered with reverential awe?
  5. Is the leader coercive? Does the leader try to compel members by force, intimidation, or authority against the member’s individual will?
  6. Is the leader self absorbed? Cult leaders are often preoccupied with how people perceive them and seek to aggrandize themselves.
  7. Does the leader seek sexual gratification from the members?
  8. Is the group organized in an authoritarian, hierarchical power structure?
  9. Does the leader claim divinity or special knowledge and authority from God?
  10. Is disagreeing with the leader considered the same as disagreeing with God?
  11. Does the leader expect unquestioning obedience?
  12. Does the leader hold out the promise of salvation, power within the group, enlightenment, or other ultimate rewards in return for membership and obedience?
  13. Is the leader not held accountable for his actions or the actions of his authority structure?
  14. Does the leader ask for money as a sign of loyalty, to be in good standing, or to go to the next level?

Recruiting

Cults go to extreme means to recruit new members.

  1. Does the group provide an instant community by love bombing a newcomer or presenting itself as a happy family?
  2. Do the members always appear happy and enthusiastic for newcomers? Or have they been encouraged to appear that way?
  3. Are members unable to tell the truth about the group? Members will often lie or evade the truth about the group in order to present a more palatable vision to newcomers. However, this issue goes much deeper, because members are often unable to acknowledge the truth to each other.
  4. Does the group withhold the full truth about its ideas and practices from newcomers? Cults often refrain from divulging the complete picture until newcomers have gotten themselves in deep.
  5. Do group members keep near constant contact with interested newcomers? This prevents the newcomer from having time to rethink their involvement and to think with a cooler head away from the love bombing.
  6. Does the group isolate newcomers from family and friends? Cults will try through various means to cut off contact between newcomers and outsiders to prevent the truth about the group from coming to light and to replace familial bonds with bonds to the cult.
  7. Do new members estrange themselves from family and friends? Even if group members don’t actively try to cut off newcomers from outside influences, newcomers may start to distance themselves from others who don’t share their new outlook and seem to misunderstand or be overly critical.
  8. Does the group emphasize the unimportance or worthlessness of the new member while hyping membership in the group? A cult will seek to break down an individual’s self worth in order to foster dependence on the group. A weakened individual becomes pliable to coercion.
  9. Does the group solicit confessions of guilt, weakness, or fear? Cults seek to break down normal personal boundaries in order to foster a new identity centered around the group.
  10. Does the group demand that new members take some action to affirm their loyalty? These demands may start out small and get progressively bigger. This primes the newcomer to follow directions given by group members. It also causes newcomers to unconsciously justify their actions. For example, “I gave money to this group. I’m a smart person who wouldn’t get cheated. This group must be good.”
  11. Do newcomers need to be trained to think correctly (i.e. according to the group’s ideas)?
  12. Does the group encourage new members to renounce former values or beliefs?
  13. Does the group test members before completely accepting them?

Dissolution of Individual Identity and Independence

The cult draws strength through the number of followers and their degree of commitment (as all groups do). Cults secure committed members through damaging a member’s sense of independent identity and will. Cults fill the void with dependence on the group.

  1. Do members use a language that no one else can understand?
  2. Do the members have special ways of dressing or other special behaviors that mark them as members? Having a common lingo and similar modes of dress fosters a sense of group cohesion and identity. It also serves to further separate members from the wider society.
  3. Do the members have solidarity within the group with little or no outside allegiance? Cults will try to become the entity that members are ultimately loyal to instead of more natural loyalties like family or friends.
  4. Does the group use guilt to motivate obedience?
  5. Is there a system of punishment and reward? Such a system infantilizes the member, creating a relationship that resembles that between parent and child.
  6. Do members feel a sense of powerless, dependency, covert fear, or guilt?
  7. Does the group demand complete loyalty or trust in the group and its beliefs? Is the expression of doubt suppressed through guilt or character assassination?
  8. Do members feel dependent on the leader? Would they feel lost without the leader’s direction and presence?
  9. Do members allow the leader to make decisions for them?
  10. Do members lose the ability to make choices contrary to the group’s beliefs? Nearly all decisions are weighed against how the group would look at the choice.
  11. Does the group deprive members of the sense of time by removing clocks and watches?
  12. Does the group encourage child-like or uninhibited behavior? Disinhibition fosters child-like dependence and further opens members to coercion.
  13. Does the group demand public identification with the group or expressions of solidarity with the group? The more often a member publicly identifies with the group, the more membership in the group dominates individual identity.
  14. Does the group have rules that govern every aspect of life? Members get in the habit of following rules and the cult comes to dominate their thoughts throughout the day.
  15. Do members endure verbal abuse or character assassination?
  16. Are the members malnourished or sleep deprived? Members who are physically weak are less able to resist mental coercion.
  17. Does the group employ peer pressure and the desire to belong to change member’s behavior?
  18. Are members punished and rewarded for similar behaviors? This confuses the members and keeps them off balance.
  19. Do members report each other’s misbehavior to the leader?
  20. Does the group keep members so busy with activities and meetings that they don’t have time and energy to think about their involvement or to spend time with non-members?
  21. Are the members’ personal boundaries and privacy violated?

Suspension of Rational Thought

If evaluated rationally, the claims of a cult loose most of their appeal. A successful cult manages to suppress rational thought directed at their beliefs and practices.

  1. Is the member blamed for all failures or dissapointments? (E.g. you aren’t recruiting because your heart is full of sin.) This allows the cult to shift blame for its own failings to the member while simultaneously breaking down their self worth.
  2. Does the group use hypnosis (sometimes presented as meditation or relaxation)? The difference between legitimate use of these techniques and how cults employ them is that the cult uses them to suppress rational thought in order to make the member more pliable.
  3. Does the group tell members what they should read or watch? Leaders want members to avoid opposing points of view so the spell the cult has woven over its members won’t be broken.
  4. Does the group employ thought stopping language, clichés, or slogans? These sayings are presented as self-evidently true, but their true purpose is to shortcut logic and critical thinking.
  5. Do members repeatedly chant or sing mind-narrowing phrases? These techniques make an end-run around rational thought and implant ideas through sheer repetition.
  6. Does the group discourage members from asking questions?
  7. Do they encourage the experiential instead of the logical? For cults seeking to hide the truth or foster dependence, it is simpler to manipulate emotions than to provide a reasonable chain of logic.
  8. Does the group present incomprehensible doctrine that confuses members and discourages the use of logic? Members may try to reconcile contradictions in doctrine, but their efforts prove ultimately fruitless. At this point, cults can insinuate that logic is impotent and discourage its use.
  9. Do members neglect to verify information they receive from the group? Do the accept something as the truth simply because it came from the group?
  10. Do members avoid thinking in ways that are contrary to the group’s beliefs? Members may have a strong mental aversion to merely entertaining an opposing point of view.

Attitudes about the Group

Cults are characterized by a high level of exceptionalism.

  1. Does the group have all the answers to the important questions in life?
  2. Does the group claim to be the only or the best source of truth?
  3. Do members consider themselves to be the elite or the chosen?
  4. Do members consider themselves the only ones who will be saved or earn the ultimate reward?
  5. Does the group see its role as preparing for the imminent end of the world?

Attitudes Toward Outsiders

Outsiders are dangerous to the cult—unless they feel an interest in joining—because they threaten to disrupt the spell of the cult over its members.

  1. Do members avoid association with non-members?
  2. Are virtually all of a member’s close associates also members?
  3. Do the members live together, sequestered from non-members?
  4. Do members attack the character of critics or those who are not in the group?
  5. Do members devalue the opinions of outsiders?
  6. Are non-members considered less enlightened?
  7. Does the group encourage thinking in us-versus-them terms?
  8. Do members avoid listening to the perspectives of non-members?

Leaving

If outsiders are a threat, members who leave are doubly so, especially if they appear to be doing well after leaving. Cults typically demonize those who leave or portray them as miserable and pitiable.

  1. Is it difficult to leave?
  2. If members try to leave, are they considered rebellious against the will of a higher power or of the leader?
  3. Are people who leave considered deserters, weak, or evil by members?
  4. Do members avoid association with onetime members that have left the group?

So, how do some of your groups measure up? What level of cultishness can we accept in the groups we belong to?

[Crossposted to Main Street Plaza.]


1. “Cult” is not generally a technical term with a clear definition. Scholars of religion eschew the term, although it is used in some academic circles. Even though it lacks a technical definition, I’ll use it as a working term since we can all recognize a cult (as long as it’s not our own).

Five Things: A Loaf of Bread Edition

  1. Mom, thank you for teaching me how to bake bread. You introduced me to a pleasure that not everyone knows.
  2. Thank you to the honey bees that made the honey that went into the bread I’m baking. You worked hard and I reaped the benefit.
  3. Thank you to the farmers who grew the wheat that makes my bread.
  4. Lacey, thank you for keeping the pans clean so that I can bake bread.
  5. Thank you to the engineer who designed the machine that makes the dough.

I could go on. My loaf of bread is a team effort involving an interdependent web of thousands and millions (think of the yeast) of individuals.

Five Things

  1. Myself, thank you for getting past the cringing that the upcoming enrollment testing induced.
  2. Thank you to the developers of Read It Later. Awesome tool.
  3. Thank you to David Allen for bringing together the ideas in Getting Things Done. Progress is slow, but your book has made a difference in my life.
  4. Thank you to the taxpayers and students who pay my salary. I try to give you your money’s worth.
  5. I am thankful for my continued health. Exercise and diet seem to have made Monday headaches a thing of the past. (it used to be like clockwork, every Monday.)

Cosmic Calendar: Mother Star

The Cosmic Calendar resumes, but I’ve moved it over to Sense of Wonder. The latest outpost on the calendar is the explosion of our Mother Star.

Five Things: Midweek Edition

  1. Lacey, thank you for being ready to understand my viewpoint even if you don’t share it.
  2. Thank you to me for learning to be persistent in my projects.
  3. Thank you to my coworkers who make my work life much less stressful than other places that I’ve worked.
  4. Thank you to me for struggling to live with integrity despite the discomfort of change.
  5. Sun, thank you for keeping me warm and in the light.

Five Things

The self-centered edition. Thank you to me for…

  1. … being persistent with my exercise program. I’m feeling pretty good.
  2. … standing up for my boundaries.
  3. … forgiving me for not being perfect. It gives me the space to improve.
  4. … working on my posture. Standing and sitting straighter makes me feel more confident.
  5. … looking for more skillful ways to live.

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know about Sex

Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know about Sex

I recently read Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They’d Ask). This book is the product of the authors’ years of experience taking questions from otherwise capable parents who find themselves flummoxed by their child’s sexuality. The title reflects the frequent doses of humor that help ease the sense of dread that sometimes accompanies thinking about S-E-X and K-I-D-S at the same time.

The authors did their best to help everyone, even people who will ignore parts of their advice. I’m thinking specifically about religious parents, those of us who feel duty-bound by our religious convictions to, for example, teach our children only abstinence despite the research that this generally leads to poorer outcomes. The authors provide the best advice they can. If parents choose to ignore that advice, the authors do their best to provide workable alternatives to the optimal strategy without laying on guilt trips about being a bad parent. They try hard to help everyone.

I learned a thing or two about childhood sexual development that helped me to accept my own awkward, faltering steps toward adult sexuality. It helped me lay aside some residual embarrassment and guilt. In that respect, I think it’s fair to call this book life-changing for me.

Who knows? My children might even benefit from my having read it.

Going Forward

I have a new language bête noire: “going forward”. It adds no value to otherwise respectable sentences. Its jargoniness hurts my brain every time I hear it (or worse yet, catch myself uttering this execrable phrase). Each time someone trots out this favorite, I’m reminded of Stephen Covey and the precious moments of my life forever lost while sitting through a soul-sucking business meeting.

What’s wrong with “from now on”, “in the future”, or (best of all) dropping the phrase entirely?