This blog is no longer being updated. About this blog.

Pity for the Damned

Sunday, 17 Jun 2007 at 4:18 pm

I remember pitying him. His wife seemed embarrassed by him, just like the wife of the man who dressed in women’s underwear. He avoided looking directly in our eyes, and she didn’t hurry to introduce him to us. He had left the LDS church and was wandering in strange paths. The other missionaries informed me before we visited their home about his dabbling in Buddhism. I shook my head in disbelief that he could have left the truth, and for something as silly as Buddhism.

We sat down and ate dinner together, but I had no respect for my host. He was a fool and a traitor. I remember the pain-stricken look on his wife’s face as we discussed her husband when he wasn’t in the room. How could he do this to his wife and children?

 

I met a former leader in the Mormon church later in my missionary service. He had been an Elders Quorum President, but he and his wife had left the church. He seemed confident and unashamed. How could he doubt the truth? What could lead someone so strong to be so weak? He didn’t even have the good sense to be ashamed of his faithlessness. The missionaries discussed how we could bring him back into the fold as we left his home.

 

Now that I am an atheist who enjoys Buddhism, now that I have left behind leadership positions in the church, will others see me and judge me the same way that I judged these men? Will an awkward wall separate us when we don’t know what to say to each other? Will they see the strength of my convictions as a weakness and a delusion? Will they shake their head in disbelief that I could leave the truth? Will they paternally plot to save my soul? Will they try to make my wife and children ashamed of me? Do they pity me?

Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. (Matthew 7:1–2)

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

8 Comments

  1. jana said,

    June 17, 2007 @ 8:47 pm

    Been there. Done that. Guilty as charged on all counts.

    I do hope (but it’s certainly a vain one) that I won’t be judged as I judged others.

  2. tracy m said,

    June 18, 2007 @ 8:45 am

    As a convert (5 years) with a husband who was a practicing Budhist for 12 years before he became a member (2 years ago)- let me just say: Worry not.

    Not all members have a one-dimensional picture of people, or of how people express themselves spiritually. Even though I am a convert to the LDS faith, I have not left behind what I knew before, and neither has my husband- we are richer people for that. I don’t feel the gospel of Christ requires me to leave behind all that made me who I am- I just look at things differently.

    We get into trouble as a religion when we confuse the culture of Mormonism for the teachings of Christ. Not even in the same ballpark, folks.

    No judgement will ever come from this quarter.

  3. Jonathan Blake said,

    June 18, 2007 @ 9:23 am

    jana,

    Life has a funny way of turning our judgments back on us. It’s almost enough to make me believe in literal Karma. :)

    tracy m,

    Thanks for the reassurance. My biggest worry is about my children being made ashamed of me, but I suppose that is par for the course (at some point and to some degree).

  4. tracy m said,

    June 18, 2007 @ 9:27 am

    If someone tries to make your children ashamed of you, the shame is on them, not on you or your children. I am so sorry for your worries.

  5. Rodney said,

    June 18, 2007 @ 10:48 am

    As someone is a similar situation, it is not that I fear one or several people trying to make my children ashamed of me, rather, it is the group-think/culture that will cause it to happen. So in the end there is no one to blame or confront. It is insidious and vague. And it happens slowly and subtly so that combatting it is nearly impossible.

  6. Jonathan Blake said,

    June 19, 2007 @ 7:38 am

    Rodney,

    Well said. I don’t think anyone is going to explicitly try to make my children ashamed. It’s just the pervasive message that anyone who isn’t LDS is somehow… defective or lacking. And well, there’s crazy ol’ Dad being his embarrassingly un-Mormon self. Can’t he just hide while my friends are around? sigh

  7. Rodney said,

    June 19, 2007 @ 1:02 pm

    It at least helps me to know that there are others who understand and empathize with me. Love your blog. It is an important part of my support network.

    To stay sane, I visualize a day when others will go through the ‘awakening’ and I will be able to be there for them. If only they would realize that I will be no more there for them than I am right now.

  8. Jonathan Blake said,

    June 19, 2007 @ 1:30 pm

    I’m happy you find some support in my ramblings. :) It helps me to come to terms with my religious background to talk things out. I’m glad you’re along for the ride.

RSS feed for comments on this post