Pools of Sorrow, Waves of Joy
[Here is another postponed journal entry. I was preparing a letter to my parents which I never sent. The words of this entry do not begin to convey my feelings at the time. My mind was possessed by simultaneous joy and sorrow: joy of gratitude for my chance to be alive and to have parents who taught me and grounded me, sorrow for the pain that my life causes others and for the suffering that is so intimately connected with life.]
16 Jan 2007
I’m putting the finishing touches on my letters to inform my parents of the change of heart. As I think back on what my own Mom and Dad have done for me, my heart overflows with joy and gratitude. I seem to have forgotten what they have given me, the sacrifices they have made for me, the examples they have set for me. They have shown me how to live great in spite of being mere mortals. That is all that I could ever ask of them.
It breaks my heart to think about dashing their hopes for me. Though they may hate to hear it, they are the ones who set me on the path of truth. My roots sank deep into the nourishing, grounding truth because of their nurture. It is only lately that I have returned to this foundation.
You may feel like you have failed me in some way. It may be small consolation, I do not see it that way. My heart fills with gratitude for the love and support that you have given me through the years. I treasure the lessons of compassion and truth you have passed on to me. My heart swells with the pleasure of seeing the truth. I honor the legacy of integrity and honesty that you have left me. I will do all within my power to see that future generations rise up and call you blessed. Your names will be had for good among your posterity.
(my letter to Mom and Dad)
May I be such a force of love and example for my own children. So mote it be.
[Usually, I let you figure out where I get my titles (I often like to make them little puzzles), but in this case I want to be explicit. The title of this post comes from a John Lennon song, Across the Universe. Somewhere along the way, this song as sung by Fiona Apple has become the anthem of my awakening. Every time I need to reconnect to the Love behind my quest for truth and meaning, this song plugs me in and turns me on. It may not do the anything for you, but it speaks to me and reawakens the feelings which came with the destruction of my falsehoods, and when I sat down to write a letter to my parents. (sample of first verse)
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind,
Possessing and caressing meJai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my worldImages of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universeJai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my worldSounds of laughter, shades of earth are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
million suns and calls me on and onAcross the universe
Jai guru deva om
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my worldJai guru deva…
]
Tags: compassion, family, Music
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His Hot Wife said,
February 28, 2007 @ 4:57 pm
You think after my Beatles class I would have guessed where the title came from on my own.
March 1, 2007 @ 1:28 am
My situation is similar:
I feel like my parents did a great job of raising me, and — although they disagree with me on the existence of God — my current values are based on the good values they taught me (curiosity, skepticism, feminism, to name a few).
And I love that song too!!!
March 1, 2007 @ 8:47 am
It’s funny how that happens. I wonder what lessons my children will learn from me, and where we’ll see things differently. Although I hope to raise independent thinkers, I can’t help but worry about exactly what form their independence will take. I think I have some karma coming my way.
While we’re on the subject of Beatles songs, I realized that now I can enjoy Imagine without a twinge of regret at its anti-religious sentiments. You should check out this hilarious mashup of George W. Bush singing Imagine. Priceless!
June 15, 2007 @ 12:54 pm
[...] If you pay attention, you can see several symbolisms taken from Tarot and Kabbalah in Madonna’s video. Her video for Love Profusion affects me something like Fiona Apple’s Across the Universe does. [...]