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True Name

Thursday, 12 Feb 2009 at 5:41 pm

I’ve still been pondering my reluctance to share my secret name, turning my feelings over in my mind like an excavated artifact. Maybe I hesitate because I value this secret as something special to me alone, even though I know intellectually that I share it with others. When I received it, I assigned special meaning to it, making it a talisman signifying something special about me.

I also hesitate to share the name because once the secret is out there, my actions can’t be undone. I feel trepidation at the thought of irrevocable actions.

It’s been an interesting psychological case study. So be it.

On the fateful day I was clothed in the Garment of the Holy Priesthood and received my Endowment, I heard these words: “With this garment, I give you a new name, which you should always remember and which you must keep sacred and never reveal, except at a certain place that will be shown you hereafter. The name is White Cloud.”

Gotcha! That’s my secret Indian name from Webelos camp. You thought I was going to give up my true name so easily. You should have known better.

Better luck next time,

Peter

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8 Comments

  1. Matt said,

    February 14, 2009 @ 1:37 am

    Ah I see what you did there.

    Very interesting. My secret YMCA Princesses name is “Falls like rain.” Father Lehi would be proud.

  2. Jonathan Blake said,

    February 15, 2009 @ 8:28 am

    Lamanite/Indian names are the best. ;)

  3. Kullervo said,

    February 17, 2009 @ 5:32 pm

    I see what you did there.

  4. Jonathan Blake said,

    February 17, 2009 @ 7:44 pm

    I feel better now. It seems like sharing this is part of moving on for me.

  5. Matt said,

    February 26, 2009 @ 8:40 pm

    Yah, moving-on. You speak openly about something like this and it’s clear that you are either a galactic masochist or the last great fear has been flushed away.

    I’m still quite afraid. Not of the doctrinal freak-show but of the social implications. Mormonism is brilliant this way.

  6. Jonathan Blake said,

    February 27, 2009 @ 8:53 am

    I admit that I benefit from living in a place where being Mormon isn’t a prerequisite for being a member of the community. I also benefit from a respectful relationship with my family though I probably could have ruined that by being a prick during my angry phase. Bullet dodged.

    Mormonism does have a strange genius that makes it nearly impossible to stay friends with true believers while being a Mormon heretic. It forces you to sacrifice friendships as a price of freedom, or so it would like us to believe. I think most of the friendships I lost on my way out were never good friendships anyway.

  7. Matt said,

    February 27, 2009 @ 9:32 am

    So true about the so-called friendships. Those based on common slavery are only good for keeping one in slavery. On my side, it’s really about keeping my little family together. I’m far from shelter here. If it were just me I’d have no qualms about putting it all behind. But it’s not and so I’ll be damned if I don’t continue to kick against the pricks who would take my family from me.

  8. Jonathan Blake said,

    February 27, 2009 @ 10:00 am

    I wasn’t surprised when I heard people hinting that my family was heading to destruction when I came out. I was surprised by who was doing the hinting. People’s true colors show in times of change.

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