Short Man Out
I must regretfully announce that I will not be running for President. I know this will disappoint my ardent supporters, but you should know that I’m the kind of guy to face facts. My political consultants tell me that I could never be elected President. There are many reasons why, but I want to focus on just one. I’m 5’6″ (1.68m).
The average male height in the U.S. is slightly over 5’9″ (1.75m). Only 11 out of 43 presidents have been under 5’9″. None of those short Presidents were elected after 1900. The taller candidate has won two-thirds of the elections since 1900. Only three presidents have been as short or shorter than I am. Based on my height alone, I will never be elected President of the United States, especially in the age of televised debates. I might as well be Dukakis.
To add insult to injury, I probably make less money and have fewer interested potential mates (if I were on the market) all because I’m short. But I guess I’m getting off topic.
Before anyone accuses me of harboring a Napoleon complex (actually, he might not have been that short), I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to elect me President, date me, or give me a raise because I’m short. I’m not bitter. (What’s a short guy got to do to get respect? Conquer Europe?)
You, my fellow Americans, can’t help it. You’re not thinking rationally. It’s biological. While you believe yourself to be making rational decisions about the candidates to support, you are subconsciously influenced to choose the one who feels more like a strong troop leader. We’re not as far as we imagine from our prehistoric existence as apes in Africa.
So rather than waste our time and energy, let’s all go vote for our favorite tall man with good hair.
Tags: bigotry, heightism, politics, prejudice, presidents, television, United States
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August 15, 2007 @ 1:07 pm
Of course height would be an important consideration if we needed to fight off rival clans or hunting hyenas.
August 16, 2007 @ 6:21 am
Hmm; I’m about 5’8″ and a half or 5’9″ depending on who’s measuring. And for my army height-weight test, I try my best to be taller.
August 16, 2007 @ 8:05 am
It looks like you’d have an uphill battle, but you might have a decent chance at the presidency.
August 16, 2007 @ 9:23 am
I’m 5’8″. Sorry. I have a better chance of becoming President than you. Hahahaha.
August 16, 2007 @ 12:23 pm
August 16, 2007 @ 12:36 pm
Hahahahahaha!!! I’m 5’8″ myself, so I’m practically in the running!!!
If only I weren’t an atheist. And if only I weren’t a girl. Who speaks that demon language (French). And her mind…….
August 16, 2007 @ 2:19 pm
Seriously, though, its a fact that our physical appearance has an effect on how people view us. You should never judge a short, clean cut guy and think that he can’t be presidential, I always say. Just like you shouldn’t judge your spanking hot wife and think that she’s dumb, cause she’ll probably run rings around you. Well, at least mine does.
/paranoidfr33k
August 16, 2007 @ 2:47 pm
Of course then you have a short presidential candidate with a hot wife and the world turns upside down.
August 17, 2007 @ 5:58 am
ROFL
Anna said,
August 24, 2007 @ 8:20 am
“So rather than waste our time and energy, let’s all go vote for our favorite tall man with good hair.”
What about a woman president, since there is a female candidate this election season?
August 24, 2007 @ 8:29 am
Good point. I doubt that women would have a disadvantage because of their height because we don’t expect women to be tall. They just have to overcome that whole woman thing. I think their chances are getting better with each passing year. I think my generation has fewer hangups about women leaders.
I’ve voted for presidential tickets with women on them. I personally don’t care for Hillary Clinton, so if I’m going to vote for a woman, it’s going to have to be someone outside the duopoly.
Anna said,
August 24, 2007 @ 9:00 am
I don’t care for Clinton either but I’m sorely tempted to vote for her just to open the door for women presidents in the future.
August 24, 2007 @ 9:05 am
Would it be accurate for me to guess that you’re not enthusiastic about any of the other candidates then? If you’re going to vote solely based on the gender of the candidate.
Anna said,
August 24, 2007 @ 9:36 am
I didn’t say I was, just that I was tempted.
But no, none of the other candidates seem all that great either. Not even third party at this point.
If most of the registered voters in the U.S. didn’t vote this election, what sort of message would that send? We should start a DON’T VOTE campaign.
August 24, 2007 @ 9:40 am
I’m with you.
I’ve always wanted a “None of the above” with real teeth. If “None of the above” won, then we would have another election with none of the candidates allowed to run again, or something. This create problems too, but it would feel good.