Green Oasis

I must regretfully announce that I will not be running for President. I know this will disappoint my ardent supporters, but you should know that I’m the kind of guy to face facts. My political consultants tell me that I could never be elected President. There are many reasons why, but I want to focus on just one. I’m 5’6″ (1.68m).

The average male height in the U.S. is slightly over 5’9″ (1.75m). Only 11 out of 43 presidents have been under 5’9″. None of those short Presidents were elected after 1900. The taller candidate has won two-thirds of the elections since 1900. Only three presidents have been as short or shorter than I am. Based on my height alone, I will never be elected President of the United States, especially in the age of televised debates. I might as well be Dukakis.

To add insult to injury, I probably make less money and have fewer interested potential mates (if I were on the market) all because I’m short. But I guess I’m getting off topic.

Before anyone accuses me of harboring a Napoleon complex (actually, he might not have been that short), I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to elect me President, date me, or give me a raise because I’m short. I’m not bitter. (What’s a short guy got to do to get respect? Conquer Europe?)

You, my fellow Americans, can’t help it. You’re not thinking rationally. It’s biological. While you believe yourself to be making rational decisions about the candidates to support, you are subconsciously influenced to choose the one who feels more like a strong troop leader. We’re not as far as we imagine from our prehistoric existence as apes in Africa.

So rather than waste our time and energy, let’s all go vote for our favorite tall man with good hair.