Green Oasis

I walked down the street with my nephew. I was maybe fourteen. The complexities of large Mormon families meant that my nephew was only five years younger than I. When we got to the end of the street, two guys about my age rode up on their bikes and blocked our path.

“Where do you think you’re going?” demanded the one directly in my path.

The unexpectedness of this ambush caused me to do something that would shock anyone who knew me then. I was what you might call a nice, meek guy apparently destined to inherit the Earth.

I looked him dead in the eyes. “Kiss my ass.”

The effect of my verbal sucker punch surprised me. The would-be bullies stumbled over themselves to get out of our way. My nephew and I walked on without giving them another glance.

My nephew looked at me with what I imagined was a mixture of shock and admiration. Frankly, I didn’t know that I could do that. My unaccustomed power impressed me.

Flashforward to today. Here I am, the brunt of a cosmic joke. I will live a short life and die. Everything I care about will suffer a similar fate. The absurdity of human life threatens to overwhelm me. What is the point? Why do I even try? Where do I think I’m going? The only rational response to the absurdity of my own meaningless life is to give up and die.

I stare nihilism down. “Fuck off.”

My life is ultimately absurd. But I don’t care. I’m the brunt of a cosmic joke, I refuse to be backed down from continuing on. I will live and love. I will revel in the fragile vulnerability of human life. I will be irrationally optimistic. I will embrace the absurdity.

Maybe fate will have its ultimate punchline and mock my hopes, but I’ll laugh along too, as long as the day lasts.