Green Oasis

Today, I am grateful for…

1. … the end of a semester that frees me to study what I choose at my own pace.
2. … healthy children.
3. … the mother of my children.
4. … my mother.
5. … my new-found positive outlook.

I never tell my daughters “Good job!” or “You’re so smart!”

Am I a bad parent?

Instead of giving bland, meaningless praise, I prefer to say things like “That really looks like an elephant!” or “You’ve learned the alphabet!” so that we can celebrate their successes together. They learn to take satisfaction in what they do for its own sake rather than as a means to earn my praise. Being labeled smart as a child wasn’t an unqualified good in my life. It would have done me more good to learn to enjoy the fruits of achievement.

The New York Times has an interesting article about the current debate about whether rewarding children helps modify behavior in the long run. Rewards often work in the short term, but children seem to revert (or digress) once rewards are no longer forthcoming.

You can tell what I believe about rewards. We’ll see what the science has to say.

I am grateful for …

1. … my older daughter: her curiousity, her intellectual enthusiasm, how considerate of others’ feelings she can be, how loving she is.
2. … my younger daughter: her joi d’vivre, her tender heart, her beautiful laugh, her willingness to share.
3. … my wife who treats me better than she should and is generally more wonderful than I deserve.
4. … the clothes on my back: that they’re clean, that I don’t have to wear the same clothes every day, that I don’t have to walk around naked (I’m sure it’s not as fun as it sounds).
5. … the internet and how connected it is making our world.

I’m grateful for …

1. … the chance to find a companion with whom I can share each day of my life, who has the strength and flexibility to stick with me through thick and thin.
2. … the opportunity to work with computers. I had no idea early in life that I would become a computer geek, but here I am.
3. … the chance to watch two brilliant girls grow up.
4. … a headache that seems like it will only last half of Monday.
5. … a job (perhaps I should leave it at that, but I’m also thankful for a job …) that lets me get up and take a walk when my brain gets fried.

1. I’m thankful that my wife and I have found a way to balance our differing religious beliefs. I have heard about many that haven’t been as fortunate. One thing that helped is the chapter on mixed marriages in Parenting Beyond Belief.
2. I am grateful for the warm sunshine on my face as I study outside.
3. I am grateful to be alive.
4. I am thankful for the time that I’ve been able to spend with my family this long weekend. I had a fun date with my wife and have this holiday to spend a little extra time with my girls.
5. I am grateful that we will have a new president tomorrow. I hope that it will represent a real improvement in national leadership.